Sc-scared to write this blog!

Wow. I have wanted to start a blog for a while now, but you guessed it... I have been afraid. No surprise there. For some reason, fear gets in the way of lots of things for me...if I let it. To tackle this blog, I need to move past my fear; let go of my need to have it all perfect; not focus on what others may think of me, my site, my writing, etc. So here goes, I am just going to let my fingers do the talking and tell you what is going on in my head right now...

For the longest time I was stumped about what to blog about. I have shared with many, and on a few different platforms about my painful childhood. I grew up not knowing my Father, lived with an alcoholic Mother in a step family that didn't accept me, survived years of abuse in all forms, ended up being placed in foster care ( which was a good thing for me ), eventually lost my Mother to suicide...lots of pain, lots of loss, and painful, painful rejection. I have overcome much, forgiven much, and have had tremendous healing in my life. Yes, I could write about that.

I have had much experience in dealing with addiction. With my mother, as I mentioned above, myself to some degree as I chose to self medicate during my hurting years, and it even found it's way into my immediate family on and off over the years. I have seen lives transformed and redeemed in beautiful ways. I have witnessed huge victory and freedom, and yes, I could write about that as well.

I have been an empty nester now for almost 4 years, and happily married to an amazing man. This new season in life has been a mix of things for us, and it's brought to us new experiences and opportunities. I guess I could write about that.

I have many hobbies and interests from design and decorating, to cooking, reading, music, writing, crocheting, sewing & travel. That could fill some posts...

But, none of those topics felt quite right. Sure, some of the subject matter listed may make it onto this page from time to time, but I think I am feeling a pull to be more inspirational, and very, very vulnerable. I don't want to make this a blog all about me and the sad things I have been through, nor do I want to add to the long list of blogs out there that seem to scream "look what I can do...how awesome am I?!" My desire is for depth, authenticity, hope, and inspiration to come through in what I write. And... to be honest, fear is something I know a great deal about; it has been my shadow my entire life and affects every part of who I am. Not only do I believe this is what I am to share, but it's also a challenge to myself. A dare to really look at fear, how present and real it is, and how destructive it can be. I want freedom from my fears and plan to conquer many on this journey. Care to join me? Let's go! Starting this blog is a step #1 for me. Can you think of a way to take a step on your journey as a fear conqueror?