Got through it...

As I wrote yesterday, once I pushed through the fear and went to class last night, everything was just fine. More than fine actually.  I met another Mom there and we hit it off right away. We sat together and plan to partner up on some of the group projects that are ahead.  And, even though I was more than likely the oldest student there, at least 2/3 of the class were over 30. Whew!  That made things so much easier!  In fact, I had forgotten this particular class was targeted to the "mature learner" , so we were actually the majority. I wonder if any of the younger students feel out of place when the room is filled with such, ahem...wisdom and experience?? So, again today I will carry with me what I heard myself saying on the way home from class:

"Nothing is as scary as you make it out to be...nothing as painful as you fear...and things are rarely, if ever, as difficult as you imagined".

This morning as I sat by the fire in my prayer chair and had my devotional time...what I read fit my experience perfectly.  The study was based on the well known story of Peter stepping out of the boat during a storm, to go and meet Jesus on the water.  The part of the story that really stood out to me was,

  " when he looked around at the high waves, he was terrified and began to sink."  

Right away I jotted down in my little journal..." trust, and things turn out ok - terrified = sink!  It fit so well with what I have been blogging about, and what I am trying to really grasp in my own life. As I read on though , my view changed.  Further on in the study, it spoke of:

"...there are trials in this world,  we should focus on God and not the storms." It also said that, "we must feel the fear and do it ( move ahead ) regardless.  Growth requires taking on new challenges.  Each time you do, you'll experience fear, because growth and fear go together. But each time you risk "leaving the boat", it means you're more likely to do it again. Each time you step out without "drowning", you realize that fear no longer has power over you....The answer to fear is to get out of the boat a little more each day, until fear loses its hold on you".  (quoted text was taken from- The Word For You Today devotional). 

My focus on the line from the story switched from the word, "terrified", to "he looked around at the high waves".  So, I changed my notes in my journal to : 

             Trust, and things turn out ok  ~  looking around at the storm  =  terror and sinking!

Huh, I think this was exactly what I needed to read today. Exactly the concept I need to cling to.  I think in this " year against fear" quest I am on, that maybe my goal needs tweaking a bit.  I still want to face my fears, conquer them, lead a less fear based life, and inspire others to do the same. But, I think what my fight should be against shouldn't be to get rid of fear altogether,  but the act of giving in to fear...refusing to let fear stop me or control me.  I think my thinking was a bit off.  I had hoped to NEVER fear and to eliminate it completely.  That may come in time as the devotional said, after doing things again and again, fear will eventually lose it's hold.

Wow....who knows, I may need to change the name of this blog! We'll see. For now though, I am going to reset my thought process to having a year of not giving in to fear. This could be huge for me.  I hope it's been at least a little informative or inspirational for you as well. You see, I get to be all "out there" and vulnerable, exposing my stumbling days and victorious days to you here. You get to learn from it, and apply it to your life if it resonates with you...all in the privacy of your very own lives.
Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.  =0)