Secret Drummer...

I guess it wont technically be a "secret" anymore, now that I'm posting about it, will it? Oh well, each day I tell myself I'm not going to blog today, and almost everyday I become aware of something to blog about. Sometimes it's about a fear I have conquered.  Some days it's a highlight of the journey of someone else. But then quite often I am posting because once again, I am aware of yet another area of fear in my life.

This morning it was during breakfast with my hubby. We were listening to some Kari Jobe ( one of our favorite artists... A-mazing ), and I closed my eyes and began to drum on the island counter top. And that was it. We started to discuss my love of drumming, my need to feel the rhythm, and my gigantic fear in this area.

Years ago I decided I wanted to get over this fear, and Paul got me a small set of bongo drums for my birthday. Gosh, I think that was at least 10 years ago...and they sit in the basement untouched to this day. Once I looked into classes, but chickened out.  Once I got up the courage to ask a person that I know that is an excellent drummer, how they learned  / got into it. The person said, " well, I have a Master's Degree in Percussion". I felt myself shrink by at least a foot. I felt so small, and so unworthy of ever learning this craft.

So, I drum at home on just about anything I can find, and drive those around me nuts at times. Nobody outside my family knows this about me. Well...if you're ever near me at church I guess you might know a little bit about it. Often when I am lost in some really up tempo worship music, I can't help myself from dancing just a little, and "bongo-ing" away a bit on the chairs in front of me. Is that weird??  And oh brother, did I actually just share that?!?  Great, now some of my RVCer followers will just HAVE to sit next to me at church now. I just want to remind you of some very important words, if that's your plan...Judge not, lest you be judged!  ;0)  Just kidding!  But seriously, don't be spying on me, or I just might have to let you have a spy of my stink eye!  And if you've ever had the pleasure of sitting in the row in front of me...my apologies for vibrating your whole row with my "drumming". I really, really can't help myself. 

Back to the fear.  I'm not sure why it's there, except for the fact that I was never exposed to any type of instruments growing up, so know so very little about music.  For that matter, there are sooo many things I wish I could have tried or learned at a young age. Skiing, skating, waters skiing, snowmobiling, swimming ballet, sports, drama, music lessons, art....all are things that I am either afraid of, tried once as an adult and felt way too silly to ever try again, or longed to do, but never had the opportunity.  We grew up in a low income household, and were downright poor at times. The luxury of trying any extra curricular things, or lessons of any kind... just plain out of the question.  I do have a brief memory of playing basketball in elementary school one year, but I had to use some hand-me-down tennis shoes from my aunt.  Let's just say they were way too big, running was difficult, it didn't work out, AT ALL....you get the picture. There I go again with the whole being vulnerable thing. Now you are probably left with a picture of me stumbling all over the court. Wonderful! Well, I'm leaving that part in, because there just might be some freedom in sharing the ugly secret / memory, right?

Anyway, so there you have it. I think I just figured myself out once again right smack in the middle of blogging. I think I may have some leftover "stuff" about the way my childhood went.  YA THINK? Looks like I may have a wee bit of leftover resentment and maybe a dallop or two of some unforgiveness in me. And I could, quite possibly be believing some things about myself that aren't true.  Hmmm.   So, that will be step 1 in becoming "Kammi the Bongo Queen"!  Taking a look at all that, doing some clean up work, etc. Not quite ready to look at what step #2 will be yet...

I would love to hear of any stories you are willing to share though!  Have you taken on anythings at a "late" stage in life? Skydiving maybe ( oh man, that's even scary for me to type )...swing dancing, bullfighting perhaps??? I think it would be really inspirational to read of others on this type of quest.  Please, please, please!  Maybe, just maybe, it would give me the kick in the pants to take some lessons or something, or at least to make a couple of phone calls...

 So, Tag!  You're it !  Looking forward to YOU sharing now.  =0)